Who are Your People?

“ ‘Cause when I look up to the stars,

I know exactly who we are.”

Jon Batiste

It’s important to feel connected to others in the scheme of life. I’ve had many “peoples” over the years, including my rag-tag group in high school, band nerds, brothers and sisters-in-arms, university faculty colleagues, fellow river rats and the list goes on.

Your tribe will change over time. Mine certainly has. Your social circles and spheres of influence are formed through a dynamic process, characterized by growth and changing circumstances.

Every now and then it’s good to evaluate your social relationships to make sure they are still a good fit. By doing this, you can weed out any that are toxic or one-sided. Too many of us keep friendships that drain the life out of us. By letting these harmful relationships go, you will have more time and energy to focus on more positive and fulfilling ones.

Inner Circle

Everyone needs at least one close confidante or “goombadi” as we called it growing up with Italian heritage. Humans are social beings and we need these close connections for our mental health. The people you allow in your inner circle should be chosen carefully, not random drop-ins.

My inner circle is tiny by choice. I have unconditional love, for these people and they are nearest to my heart. I wake up thinking of them each morning and name them in my daily prayers and meditations.

First and foremost, I am fortunate to have a husband and daughter who are always in my corner, no matter what.

It has been said that sisters are different flowers from the same garden and built-in best friends. This rings true for me, and my sister who is just 16 months younger is my truest confidante.

The people in my inner circle are loyal, humble, honest, non-judging and fun-loving. My list of inner circle confidantes is about as long as the list of people I trust to take care of my dog, but I’ve managed to eke-out a close personal friend or two over the years.

Outer Circle

It is important to have a sense of belonging to a community. Not only is it healthier for you, but these social connections are important for a community to thrive.

Your outer circle consists of people you are acquainted with and consider amicable. Neighbors and workplace colleagues usually fall into this relationship category.

Church groups, associations, organizations and clubs all offer vast opportunities for connecting with others through common goals and interests.

As we begin to re-emerge from Covid-19 pandemic lockdowns, it is important to resume strong community connections.

Girl Posse (Not in a ‘Mean Girls’ Way)

If you have been in a long term relationship and have grown complacent about forging new friendships, you are heading for a potential hardship.

A few years ago, I read a book on how to live a happy life. The author wrote about the importance of having a “girl posse.” Her rationale was that women typically outlive men and when our husbands die, we need to make sure we have a solid female support system ready to help us move on with our lives.

My first thought was well, that was sexist!

My second thought was I better die first, because I don’t have a close-knit group of women outside of my family.

My third thought was I need a girl posse! So any takers, I’m game!

I urge you to take some time to consider all your relationships. If they bring you joy, nurture them. If they do not, don’t waste your time on them.

Find your people and live a happier life. Thank you for reading! – Barb, the River Blogger (Btrb)

Feel free to reblog or share anything I post. I welcome all comments and discussion.



  1. Excellent post!! You bring back the happy part of my past with my Italian family with your mention of a “goombadi.” The Italian part of my family was the happy part. I lost my “goombadi” a long time ago to breast cancer but then came my husband and we are so close! I am very blessed with him but no children and a very tiny “girl posse.” I am working on it but it is hard. I am terrified of losing my husband. He is everything to me. And I am quite homebound. But I can be an “email” girl posse member if you’ll have me. We live in New York City but in my blood is our life upstate in a little barn house we used to have. We are nature lovers and miss it terribly but it got to be too much work. Anyhow, great post!! Thank you!

  2. “People who need people are the most wonderful people in the world.”
    composed by Jule Styne
    lyrics by Bob Merrill

  3. Everything you wrote rings very true. I hope you find your posse. I know my posse has seen me through some very rough times and help me celebrate with joy some very good times.

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