“It’s a Facebook status, not a diary. Learn the difference.”
Author unknown
I originally started using Facebook in 2004 or 2005. My daughter was away at college and I wanted to know her every move. At that time, the only people who could get Facebook accounts were college students with email addresses. Luckily for me, a few years earlier I had finished graduate school at George Mason University and maintained a current email address there. Unbeknownst to my daughter, I stalked all her posts, photos, friends and tags. Facebook did not have the security features it has today, so tracking her was easier.
Over the years, Facebook has gone from a select group of college students to the entire population, from young children to the oldest members of our society. Facebook gives us an incredible amount of information on large numbers of people. I offer a tiny sampling from a vast list of my personal observations of user types. I’ve also provided tongue-in-cheek evaluations for each type, for your entertainment. Enjoy!
The Great Pretender
These people make an abundance of posts each day, stating how great their lives are. They have the perfect spouse, perfect house, perfect kids – yada yada yada…
Dig deeper and many times you will learn it is all an illusion, sometimes resulting in a trip to the mental hospital or a mug shot from the St. Mary’s County Sheriff’s Department.
I have a very wise friend who told me years ago “Barb, if someone’s life looks like it is too good to be true, then it probably is.” It took me a minute to understand this completely, but it means if it looks too good to be true; it is probably a fabrication.
We’ve all seen the posts where someone is making the extra effort to show there is nothing amiss, only to see a change in relationship status, or a job that has ended.
My interpretation: These people are either in total denial over their train wreck lives, or they are simply afraid of being seen as less than perfect. Ok, I guess there might be that rare person out there with a perfect life, and by all means, feel free to post!
The Drunkard
I’m not going to bullshit you; I’ve have a little bit of personal experience with this one! After a few too many glasses of wine, I’ve learned (mostly) to stay off the social media.
This is never a good thing. You’re sitting there, minding your own business, social distancing at home. But boredom sets in, so you get a glass of wine and start looking at your Facebook feed.
Next thing you know, you’re waking up the next morning and you find your phone blowing up with comments and emojis! It’s actually quite amusing when someone else does it.
My conclusion: Stay away from social media while on a drinking spree. Repeat three times
The Grandstander
These people will lecture you about the government, healthcare, politics, child rearing, hair styles and everything else under the sun!
They are happy to point out flaws in our lives and society in general. They provide their unsolicited advice on everything. They will also routinely offer lengthy narratives to support their opinions.
Whether you think they are right or wrong, they are putting themselves out there. So as long as they are not bullying anyone or spreading hate, you have to at least appreciate their enthusiasm.
My take on grandstanders: They just want their point of view to be heard. Plus, I’m all for freedom of speech. 👍🏼
The Sharer
We all know people who share everything they see on Facebook. Don’t get me wrong, an occasional share every now and then can be fun to see, but some people share an excessive amount of photos and memes. The rest of us just roll our eyes and keep scrolling. That is unless you are also a sharer. Then you can show the world that you’ve also discovered how to use the share button. ↗️
I have a major pet peeve with sharers. I’m not fond of people who share missing children and pets, but fail to check if the pet/child was already found. I understand the intention is to fulfill their civic duty, but if you’re going to share these posts, please make sure they are current and accurate!
My beef with this: The memes are funny, but please post an original thought once in a while. Fact check your reposts for accuracy. Also, make sure you are not forwarding along fake and hateful propaganda.
I admit, I have been guilty of excessive meme sharing on occasion.
The Drama Queen
We all know people who have to post every little detail of their lives and blow it up into something big.
Their posts usually start out with something like “I’ve had the worst day today” or “I hate my job.” Then they will fill in the blanks and explain why.
Drama queens’ posts commonly include TMI- Too Much Information. Please do not ever post that you’ve shit yourself en route to the latrine. It is never appropriate to criticize a no-load spouse or start an argument with someone in a post. Also, please do not post when your kids wet the bed or anything else that will scar them for life.
We are all getting older, and we all have aches and pains. Why post them on Facebook? You have a captive audience reading your posts and you’re going to waste your words complaining about a sore toe? Save all that for private conversations.
Posting about having a bad day or a night of insomnia is perfectly fine every now and then, but please don’t make a habit of it. Your fan base will eventually just give your post a 😘 or 😢 and keep scrolling.
My layman advice: Get some therapy, or get a divorce. Better yet, have a glass of wine (my go-to answer).
The Panhandler
The most annoying people on all of Facebook are people who set up GoFundMe pages. I was the kid who felt uncomfortable trick or treating on Halloween. I could never understand why it was appropriate to ask for an unearned hand out. I am disappointed when I see able bodied teenagers and adults asking for money to fund their college, pay their bills, or some other scheme. I think the craziest one I’ve seen is someone asking for money to help their father lose weight!
Folks, just look the other way. These people have turned what should have been private charitable interactions into a public spectacle.
Let me be clear: If friends and family need money, arrange the details in private, not on your Facebook account.
The List Completer
Why do people share their daily chore lists on Facebook? I don’t know, maybe they want everyone to know how productive they are? Do we care if someone did laundry, mopped a floor or mowed the lawn? Maybe someone on their friend list does, but not me! ☑️
This could mean what? These people might be looking for 👏👏👏 They are seeking praise for their accomplishments from outside sources. It’s the adult version of “hey everybody, look at me!”
The Foodie
Now these are Facebook postings that I can wrap my head around! I love the foodies! I don’t like to cook, but I love to eat. I enjoy seeing what my friends are cooking and eating. They can post every meal every day and I will always ❤️ it.
My take on foodies. You are inspired, talented people who combine food with art and I applaud you!
I even went through a phase of posting my own meals a few years ago. That is until a Facebook troll publicly humiliated me: “Barbara, no one wants to see what you ate for lunch.”
If this blog post offends anyone, please accept my apology. It’s my brand of humor, and it is not for everyone. But I hope it does resonate with at least some readers!
Thank you for taking the time to read my blog! – Barb, the River Blogger (Btrb
The River Blogger 
Great post!
I know where alot of these ideas are coming from…BTW I really do have a sore toe! LOL
You forgot about the “I’m hardly on Facebook” person. So , don’t scorn me because I’m not always on….. 😝
Staying busy I see…..
Jim
Yes!